Doesn't it just tickle you pink when you step into someone else's world unexpectedly? Or maybe that's only when it's a gay man's, and specifically, Hot Magazine. Left as it was on a table in a London bar, with the listings pages for saunas fully open, it was, quite frankly, asking for it. At first my intention was to innocently peruse the UK's sauna offering, and I only began to grasp it all when I saw one called 'Relax Central' and another named 'Cottage Health Club'. 'Pleasuredrome' and 'Pipeworks Sauna' hadn't even touched the sides of my gaydar. Although the huge oily man on the next page did. He was really tall you know.
I just couldn't put it down, as things kept catching my eye - well they used fancy fonts and bright colours. My favourite pages though, contained the 'chat line' ads. Do London's gay men really have a thing for Scallys and Chavs? Well according to the number of chat lines dedicated to them and advertised in Hot Magazine they do. Typically, one has a photo of a topless young man with a tattoo and a baseball cap (bloody chav), sitting in front of a block of rundown council flats. The title, 'Scally Lads' is written on a number plate, the A being the number 4 instead of the letter – you know the ones. 'Filthy Chavy Stories' it drools at the bottom, just where his boxer shorts are.
And if it's not Scally Chavs, it's Cheap Scally Filth. One of these particular ads has a photo of the aforementioned Scally Filth - complete with obligatory curly mop of hair and naked oily torso - standing proudly next to a choice of phone numbers correlating to different Scally Filth stories. My mind boggled at what'd come into my ears if I phoned ext 1011 for 'Me mate's dad caught me wankin' (the omission of the 'g' possibly being part of the whole turn on). Then there's 'We lose our tops in town and older blokes get boners', and my personal favourite, 'He kept his hoodie on while I sucked his nob.' It was almost tempting to phone and waste a small fortune on finding out how these little set-ups pan out. Almost. If you're interested, and have more balls than me (and cold, hard cash), then phone 0909 534 7260.
I wonder which chat lines you get in Hot Magazine's Bolton or Croydon issues? Plummy, Posh Pricks perhaps?
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