Remortgage. It's a word that'll never be in the opening line of a bestseller. Well it doesn't exactly make you want to read on now does it? In fact you may have stopped already. Because just the slightest glance at its 'gag' repulses you brutally, like the stench of fresh shit. Then add to the already ill-omened 'mort' the 're' to produce 'remort' and it becomes satanic, compounding its gut-wrenching effect.
No wonder remortgages manage to cause such despair, and can create those 5,000-odd charges out of thin air. You know, like that £600 booking fee at the beginning or the redemption penalty after 3 years. So for deliverance from the sins of humanity you have to cough up almost £300. And then you have to go and put another £600 in the hands of another lender. The devil has many faces, my child.
Yet we can't really be surprised at all this pain and suffering. They're not actually hiding anything from us. It's a puzzle similar to those in the bestseller, The Da Vinci Code (which doesn't have 'remortgage' in the opening sentence incidentally). Yet it's far easier to decipher. After all, the clue is right there in the name. Redeath gag.
And yes, bankers are indeed a secret cult of devil worshippers, with a dastardly plan to takeover us by control, intimidation and manipulation. I think they're doing pretty well with that so far.
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