So after all the bulldozing of allotments used for generations, people's homes and the construction of money-haemorrhaging Olympic urban parks, the Chinese have given us the solution that could have prevented all of that. Smoke and Mirrors. Image manipulation. Faking it.
Of course, we could have gone one further and done the entire spectacle in CGI. I mean, what with all the drug issues around the track and field events, and the controversial judging for things like the diving and gymnastics, who knows what's real and what's not anymore anyway? And computer generated stuff may still cost a huge wad of cash, but you've probably got more control over some Mac monkeys in a dark and dingy basement in Soho than you have over an army of builders with a cup of tea and the volleyball team on their minds.
So why stop at just adding a few more fireworks to the opening ceremony, and a bigger crowd at the archery? We might as well do the job properly and have virtual athletes representing each country, whose abilities, strengths and level of performance on the day are decided totally at random by a computer. This means there are no unfair advantages for richer countries with fantastic sporting facilities, such as the US, Australia and Japan. Or any for those countries that train their athletes as if they're in the military, treating them like robots, just so they gain psychological points on the political stage. And instead of having to invite all those tourists over, the cold hard cash could be gained from selling the television rights and that handy official merchandise gubbins.
Let's do our city proud and make 2012 the most apolitical, profitable, fair, drug-free, peaceful and unpredictable Olympics yet. By faking it all on the computer. My bet'd be on Kyrgyzstan. Well, what the hell.
No comments:
Post a Comment