Jimi Hendrix has been looking at me with disappointment recently. It's a sign that I should spare more time for my hobbies. They really can be forgotten about if you're not careful. And then you find yourself in a situation where you're just drinking, rather than drinking and playing the guitar or drinking and wrestling. You see hobbies stop you from becoming an alcoholic. The fact that you have to delay taking that next sip in order to hold the guitar or someone's left thigh, means you drink a lot less.
There is one exception to this rule. Hobbycraft. Any hobby you can buy from that store will drive you to drink. Because Hobbycraft is a shameless exploitation of the humble leisure pursuit by our oppressive capitalist regime, which wants us to make a profit out of everything we do. It's no word of a lie.
Take knitting and needlecrafts. What starts off as a pastime for pure enjoyment and of no value to the stock market, quickly becomes a cottage industry thanks to Hobbycraft's useful products and tips on speed and efficiency. And before you know it, you're pitching 'Trinkets 4 Tots – a range of knitted jewellery that's safe for your newborn' to the Dragon's Den team. From then on it's slave labour until you can get back the 110% 'share' of your business that the hooded claw Duncan Bannatyne thieved off you.
So stick to a hobby that you know you haven't got a hope in hell of making any money out of. One which requires talent to do well. Like playing the guitar. Just have a go at Voodoo Child and you'll get the point.
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